I volunteered to go to a Church conference with my mom this past weekend. It was a free hotel stay, and nice scenery in the valley's of Virginia and I really needed the break away from everything. But while I was there of course I questioned EVERYTHING. Its really become a habit that I'm proud of. Even when I'm just watching TV. So what I questioned this weekend was the presence of an Apostle, who was doing all this 'touch and be healed', or 'touch and be filled with the holy spirit' prayer. So of course my mom forced me up to be prayed for, and while she was crying and screaming in what I call an extremely dramatic fashion, I was thinking, questioning, wondering, and faking that I was praying.
I came up with this idea that all these ladies around here 'filled with the spirit' might just be doing all these theatrics, out of necessity, or repetition. Maybe these are learned behaviors. Then I checked myself, I mean who would just be crying for no reason like that. Well it may not be for no reason. The tears and emotion may be real, just not caused by the presence of the 'holy spirit'. These women (because the majority of the time it is women, the men don't cry and lay out) have been hurt. They have memories, and pain, and experiences that make them emotional. I think what happens is these 'apostles' and 'preachers' take advantage of the knowledge that most women have been hurt, raped, lied to, lied on, and betrayed. And the women never know better, and they're blinded by that hurt, plus they never think to question it.
So when my mom dragged me up there I noticed a feeling in my gut. But it didn't make me fall out when the lady touched me (what she really did was roll my head around, and push me backward so I'd fall out; I didn't). The feeling was anxiety, nervousness, fear because of what might happen, and because of all the people around me. I had my eyes closed and literally it felt like I was inside the microphone.
