I volunteered to go to a Church conference with my mom this past weekend. It was a free hotel stay, and nice scenery in the valley's of Virginia and I really needed the break away from everything. But while I was there of course I questioned EVERYTHING. Its really become a habit that I'm proud of. Even when I'm just watching TV. So what I questioned this weekend was the presence of an Apostle, who was doing all this 'touch and be healed', or 'touch and be filled with the holy spirit' prayer. So of course my mom forced me up to be prayed for, and while she was crying and screaming in what I call an extremely dramatic fashion, I was thinking, questioning, wondering, and faking that I was praying.
I came up with this idea that all these ladies around here 'filled with the spirit' might just be doing all these theatrics, out of necessity, or repetition. Maybe these are learned behaviors. Then I checked myself, I mean who would just be crying for no reason like that. Well it may not be for no reason. The tears and emotion may be real, just not caused by the presence of the 'holy spirit'. These women (because the majority of the time it is women, the men don't cry and lay out) have been hurt. They have memories, and pain, and experiences that make them emotional. I think what happens is these 'apostles' and 'preachers' take advantage of the knowledge that most women have been hurt, raped, lied to, lied on, and betrayed. And the women never know better, and they're blinded by that hurt, plus they never think to question it.
So when my mom dragged me up there I noticed a feeling in my gut. But it didn't make me fall out when the lady touched me (what she really did was roll my head around, and push me backward so I'd fall out; I didn't). The feeling was anxiety, nervousness, fear because of what might happen, and because of all the people around me. I had my eyes closed and literally it felt like I was inside the microphone.
EVERYONE was yelling, and it was like it surrounded me. But I never felt any 'spirits' just, my own fears and anxieties. Now if you're not a seasoned veteran at bullshitting your way through these kinds of things, I'd say those nerves and anxieties, and that fear would be enough to pass you out, and meditating on that hurt and pain in your life will be enough to have you crying. And if you were already lost before you came, already wondering, questioning, and feeling like giving up then that expereience with the 'apostle' who understands you and is seemingly there for you is just enough to give the effects that you've been caught up in the spirit.
Now when this starts to happen on a weekly basis, meaning you go to an apostolic/healing/breakthrough church on a regular you get used to all of it. And it goes from having real emotional affects to being a habit. You get in your groove of praise and worship and you get a little style with you worship. Then you've learned how to behave, the ins and outs. You've learned the sheets they use to cover you with, appropriate sounds while speaking in tongues (I'll get to that in a minute), you develop your dance and your shout. It is all accepted or rejected by your church, and by you. Your church will confirm that your behavior is good or accepted by patting you on the back, moving chairs out of your way when you 'catch the spirit', holding, and hugging you.
Now its fact that a culture is pretty much incomplete without a language. Language is the means of communicating and passing down knowledge and information about the culture. So the language of religion would be number 1) the language of the sermon. Epithets, and screaming are common in baptist preaching. The other language would be 2) speaking in tongues. This is more of a rite of passage and language for special occasions in one. I mean no one goes around speaking in tongues on a regular, only when they 'catch the spirit'. So when you first learn to speak tongues its a big deal. There are no classes for it and no dictionary. Its an unwritten language specific to black churches. But the similarities in the words, tones, syntax, flow, and inflection is really amazing. Just think about it, in any church you go to you can recognize 'tongues' from other languages. The similarities make me think that it is a learned thing. If it were just a reflection of 'catching the spirit', I would think it would either be the same words every time or completely different words every time.
So what does it all mean? It means that maybe this should be studied a little bit deeper, because I could be wrong. Its just an observation I made. I'm not necessarily against religion, more against the ideas that I should believe just because someone tells me to and only question to a certain extent, and accept unreasonable answers. Religion has good and bad consequences in society so I think it will always be an institution, just have to recognize how big of an impact it should be allowed to have on us personally. All in all its a personal decision.
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