When You're 17 Everything Feels Like The End Of The World

I keep a lot of anger in me. My mom raps to me almost on the daily about college shit and how I'm in for a whole lot of changes and shit. Its stuff I've heard so many times. I'm sick of hearing it. I have never in this house felt like I could express myself freely. The anger gets so serious sometimes that I can feel it. It feels like heat. White heat just flowing through my body. And it comes all the way up to my eyes and I feel like I either have heat vision or people can see the anger in me. I hate the way she talks down to me. She talks to me like I don't know shit. She makes me so mad I can't think straight. I see myself just blowing up on her one day. I can clearly see it in my head; me yelling at her, the look of surprise on her face, me storming out, my dad coming to see what happened. Every time I get mad at her the explosion is bigger, longer. Not that I want to hurt her, but I want to be heard just like she does. Maybe its a big cycle in this house; my dad stifles my mom, mom stifles me. That's what it seems like. Every single time they get in an argument my mom ends up spilling her guts to me in a way that's like her yelling at me. Like she'll call me to her room and start talking about something I didn't do but it changes so quick to the subject of my dad, and all the fucked up things he's doing and how he's hurting her. It pisses me off that she'll talk to anyone else that will listen, but won't say shit to him. Ha look at me....sounding like a grade-A hypocrite.....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK. Anger doesn't feel good. I swear I feel it eating at my insides. I want it to go away. Maybe I'm going so far to college to run away from it, like my mom can't pick up a phone or something. But I guess if we're so far away she won't bother me as much. I just want to feel free. I never never feel like I can just do as I please, and I know its a rare thing in life where you're free like that, but I feel like your home should just be one of those places. If I can't have freedom of expression and emotion in my home I damn sure won't have it anywhere else. I'm ready to stop hiding.