Stranger.

Its weird right. Seeing people you know after graduation. You'd think it'd be a big hug fest right, but it never is. I saw one of my classmates at the grocery store and it was just blah. Made me feel exactly like a stranger. Made me feel like I never knew her at all, and in all honesty I didn't. I saw some more of my classmates at the train station. These were the big-time kids, the ones who were all in to fashion and appearances. Yeah one of the guys was my best friend's prom date. The other guy I sat across from for a whole year of College Summit. Both parties (meaning me and them alike) walked right past each other without saying anything. But then what could we have said? It just woulda been mad awkward seeing as they don't know me all that well nor do I know them that well. My whole senior year was about change and introspection. My whole year was spent getting to know myself, and becoming a better person. I spent so much time with myself that I neglected the possibility of close relationships. And one of my all time excuses is that I'm shy. Blah Blah, its getting old and tired. Something else I told people a lot was that the more 'friends' the more drama, and I was damn right about that one. I had zero drama for the entire year, but I also have zero friends that I hang out with now. Idk, is it really worth the drama? Either way I feel like a stranger when I'm around my classmates.

But what makes things worse is that I feel like a stranger in my own house. My parents have no idea who I am as a person. My dad makes fun of the fact that I like poetry, and that I go to all these boho places in the city. He does all this on the offhand chance that I might give up the poetic spirit and get a career based in science. Yeah fucking right. I was ecstatic to tell him about the new books I got from the library, and the score on my AP test. I was all 'dad I got some new books from the library', and he goes 'what happens to you getting a job'. Convo dead. Nothing I ever do is good enough. So I just stop trying.

As for my mom, she walks around with a permanent scowl plastered to her face and an air of depression surrounding her. Every time you try to talk to her, she always sees the downside. Idk if she realizes how stifling that is to me and my sister. But then again, do I always realize the kind of pressure she's under? I feel like we can at least make a compromise: we as kids can take more of the pressure off of her, and she can try to not be so depressing all the time. I especially feel like a stranger to my mom. Ever since I came out to her, she's been suspicious of everything I do. I can't hang out with friends without getting harassed by her. I understand you want to know what I was doing, but if you were more open I could be more open. I'd love to be able to talk to my mom about girl issues, but I fear she'd have an aneurysm.